The blog I have kept for the last three years has been personal in that it has concerned my and my husband's life together, but it has also been something I was comfortable with anybody reading. I still enjoy keeping that blog going, mostly for myself and for my family and friends who read it. However, I wanted to have a place to share what I am learning through the struggles we've faced regarding infertility.
There, I said it, the dreaded word. Infertility.
Why have I all of a sudden decided to do this? The main reason is we are headed in a new direction with our fertility treatments. Next Monday we are having an IUI done. So, there are two possible outcomes: first, I get pregnant, and my struggle with infertility is over (at least until I try to get pregnant again); second, I don't get pregnant, and my struggle continues. Either way, I want a place to remind myself of what God has taught me and is teaching me through this whole process. We know that nothing happens without reason, so it would be a shame for me to go through this trial in my life without taking the time to recognize what I'm learning. I also want a place to keep those who are interested in this aspect of my life updated.
So, here I begin. My first post (see below) was a poem I have just finished. It's been in my head a long time, at least the image of it, and I decided to finally sit down and write it. As much as I am dying to give a disclaimer, I'm not going to. (Wait, is that a disclaimer? Well then nevermind.) It helps paint a picture of what I've felt, that I had in my head the "lives" I'd be fine with living. This life--this waiting, this wondering--is not what I had planned. And yet, this is what God has for me, which tells me that this is the best for me, the loveliest way my life could take.