Sunday, May 5, 2013

A letter

We wrote a letter to our church family yesterday, knowing that we would be seeing them all today, and asked our pastor to send it out. I'm sharing it here because it very simply explains how we're feeling. Even though we wrote it to them, it actually is a letter to all of you who have walked through this with us.

Dear Church Family (and all family and friends),

Two weeks ago, you prayed for us as we underwent our embryo transfer, the final step of our IVF (in-vitro fertilization). On Friday, we found out that we weren’t pregnant, and the IVF was not successful.

We thank you so much for your love, support, and prayers. We know that you may have questions, so we wanted to take just a moment to answer a few.

What are our next steps?
Honestly, there are no next steps at this point except to allow ourselves to grieve and move toward healing. IVF is incredibly emotional, and we are barely figuring out—with the Lord’s help—how to process this pain and begin healing. At some point, we may consider adoption, but we need to allow ourselves time with this, right now.

Will we do any more fertility treatments?
At this point, no, we don’t plan on pursuing any more treatments. We’ve been seeing a specialist for four years, and IVF was basically the last step. Because of Candace’s diagnosis of Diminished Ovarian Reserve last fall, as well as her endometriosis, our chances of conceiving even with IVF were slim.

How can you continue to support us?
Keep praying, keep loving, keep hugging! We know there isn't a lot to say, and that's okay. The best things for us to hear are simple: you love us, you're praying for us, God has a plan.

Words can’t really explain how heartbroken we are. This has been a long, difficult journey of many years, and we were so hopeful that God would use this IVF to heal us and bring us a miracle baby. We are deeply grieved over this loss, and specifically the loss of our two embryos.

Thank you, again, for all of the support and love! We are so blessed to have a family who lifts us up as you have.


Rob and Candace


  1. With sadness in her heart, Stephy was sharing your disappointing news with me on Friday morning. My love and hugs are surrounding your precious little family, and let me share how sorry Rick and I both are for your loss and sadness. Prayers will continue and I know soon, your answer will be clear in what direction you and Rob will chose to take. I hope you know you are so special to us and our prayers will always be with you both.

    1. Thanks, Renee. It means a lot to us to have so many people hurting and praying with us and for us. Thank you for reminding me that God is still directing us, even though we feel a bit at a stop right now. It's not the end for us, as it never is for any of us who are in Christ.