Recently, I was talking with Stephanie G. about "baby dreams" - those dreams where you're pregnant or holding your baby or something like that. I was telling her I've never had a normal baby dream. The crazy few that I had most vividly went something like this:
Dream #1 began with me holding a baby, which I knew was mine. I was in a hospital room and was very excited. But after I looked away and turned back to my baby, it had turned into Calla (my cat)! It was more of a half-Calla-half-human creature, and I was not happy about it, although everyone around me seemed to think that although it was unfortunate my baby turned out as such, it was not entirely shocking.
Dream #2 began with me, again, in a hospital room shared with another girl having a baby. Apparently, we both had just delivered, and she was holding this tiny lovely thing. Soon, someone came to hand me my baby, but she was huge! She was the size of a four-year-old, and I cried that my baby was giant-size.
Dream #3 takes place in a cabin, where there are about 20 women I know, from family to friends. All of us are taking pregnancy tests. (Yep, every single one.) One by one, each girl comes out of the bathroom to announce her positive sign, and slowly, my hope is building. In my dream, I distinctly remembered thinking, "If every single person gets a positive, maybe I will." But I take the test and stare at a blank square.
Dream #4 isn't all that interesting. I'm in a hospital room with absolutely no pregnant belly, but I know I'm going to have a baby. One after the other, different people come in to tell me that either I'm not pregnant or I am. The whole time, I'm very confused and frustrated.
So, why the hashing of all of this? Well, I had a strange dream this week. I suppose it was more of my hallucination dreams (which I call those weird dreams that occur when I'm "awake") since my eyes were actually open. It was Wednesday night, and I "woke up" to see Robby standing next to my side of the bed, holding the hand of a little child. In my dream, I knew it was my child standing there. I tried to wake myself up, but often with these type, it takes a few seconds. Finally, I got myself out of it.
I hesitate to even share this, only because I know it sounds like I think I received a prophetic dream or something like that. It's not like that, although strangely, it brought me some peace, though I'm not exactly sure why. I guess it made me feel that someday, that would be real for me.
Only a couple more days to find out if that "someday" will be sooner than later.