Monday, March 7, 2011

Never crushed

A couple of weeks ago, as I was praying to God about our struggle and our hope to have a baby, I felt Him bring to me a verse in 2 Corinthians. It's one I know well in a chapter I know well, a chapter that is meant to encourage believers in their sharing of the Gospel, reminding them of the hope they have in Christ and the hope in the eternal life to come. It of course applies to us in many situations of life because our witness shines in the way we respond to trials.

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.
2 Cor 4:8-9

I'll be honest: when that verse came to my mind, my first reaction was to push it away. This was not the verse I wanted to hear! I would have welcomed a verse that said something like, "Whatever your heart desires, that you will have." But of course, a verse like that is not in the Bible. That is something that would be found in a fortune cookie or a Disney song, not in Scripture.

I didn't want that verse because that verse reminds me that sometimes, an unwelcome struggle lasts a long time. Sometimes, life is hard, and it's hard to the very end. Sometimes, God doesn't give us what we want, at least not in the way we want it.

But I knew why God was giving me this verse. I was at a moment where I felt like this was going to crush me. I kept thinking, "How will I get through this, if this month is yet one more disappointment?" I was at my weakest, wondering where the strength was going to come.

And very clearly, I felt Him say to me, "This is not going to destroy you." I knew that He saw I was hard pressed and worn down, that I was perplexed and questioning how things could possibly be okay if my husband and I never have a baby. But I heard His truth, that no matter what, the things of this life will never crush me, will never destroy me, will never leave me in utter despair, all because of my God who never abandons.

Some people, meaning well, have said to me in more or less words, "I know God will give you a baby." That is just as untrue as saying to someone with cancer, "I know God will heal you." We do not know that God will ever choose to heal us or fix a problem while on this earth. What we do know is this: God never leaves us. He never forsakes us. He never decides that He's not going to save us afterall. He never stops moving us toward His holiness. And He never does anything that is not wholly good for His people.

In that same chapter, Paul goes on to give perhaps the most encouraging words in the letter.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us a glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
2 Cor 4:16-18

I don't see anytime in my future when I will stop asking...sometimes even begging...God to give us a baby. I know that He tells us to come to Him with our requests and needs because He loves His children. But with that prayer must come the prayer for help in fixing my eyes on what is unseen and eternal, clinging not to anything of this world, but to the God who created the world. And because of that and because of that only, we don't lose heart.

1 comment:

  1. So good Candace! Glad you are finding a little peace in this situation... I know nothing we say can really help or make it feel better! But we love you guys and are praying for you both!