Preparation

A week from today, I will be having my laparoscopy. Because of this, and because of the fact that for the last week I have been out of commission, I feel like the next six days are days of catch-up and preparation for me. It's not easy for me to do nothing for days at a time, so I need to be ready in case this thing has me laid up again.

My preparation doesn't only include cleaning and organizing and choosing movies I want to watch. I've also been mentally preparing myself, as much as I can. I'm scared about this, not only about physically having to be put under and have a surgery (that alone is terrifying!), but also about the outcome. I'm scared to hear what the doctor says, to see images of what I look like. I'm scared of what might be there, and even more so, what might not be there. There is a chance--though it is unlikely--that everything will look good and normal. I've had doctors tell me multiple times that "things look good"...and then I have another month of disappointment. What if this is another one of those situations?

And then there is the recovery. Not just the week that I might be sore, but the months that are to come, months of waiting and wondering and hoping. Just thinking about the possible disappointment makes me want to cry.

So, I'm not asking too much, am I? Six days to become completely physically, mentally, and emotionally prepared for all of that?

You see now why I need to focus on filing and organizing our office this week...that's something I can handle.