Sunday, September 12, 2010

I hate pregnancy tests.

So, it's official official: I am not pregnant. I already knew I wasn't, since I took a test on Wednesday and Thursday as I was supposed to. However, because this stupid progesterone I'm on doesn't let me start my period until I go off of it (and it can take days for the progesterone to get out of my system and signal to my body it's time to start a period), I still live in suspense for a few more days. It finally came--as it always does--so here I am again, at the same place I am every month, starting all over.

You know what I look forward to? The day when I pee on a pregnancy stick and see something there! I use the ones from Target because they're cheaper, and they have the control window and the "a line will show up if it's positive" window. That window is always blank. Always!! I would love even a false positive here and there. (Okay, maybe I wouldn't, but I would love a true positive for sure!)

I have shed many tears this past week and asked many questions. Right now, I'm doing all right, but it seems that can change in an instant. The hardest part about this particular IUI (besides the fact that everything seemed so right) is that it may be the last one we do. We are changing insurance companies and changing the way our medical allowance works with Robby's job. This means that everything will now come out of our pocket for anything regarding infertility. An IUI cycle costs about $800 a month, including the medication, ultrasounds, visits, and procedure. Although that seems inexpensive if it works, it gets quite pricey when one has to do it multiple times. With the change of our employment situation (ie me staying home), we recognize that continuing fertility treatments may not be an option, at least not like it has been.

I know that fertility treatments are not necessary for me to become pregnant. I know that. However, it is scary to say we aren't going to do these anymore, even if I hate them. At this point, I don't really know what we are going to do, but what I do know is that God is with us, God can do anything, and God loves us.

Thanks for your sympathy, your support, and most of all, your prayers. I can't express how much they mean to us.

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