Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Two months and thoughts on lament

Today marks two months since the sad day we found out our little embryos were no longer with us on this earth. In many ways, life has moved on and we are back to "normal." I'm out of school for the summer, and our busy summer schedule is in full swing. We've had a number of sweet celebrations and a fantastic getaway, and we are looking forward to more. But in other ways, the loss feels fresh. The tears are right there, right behind a very thin layer of keeping-it-together. When I'm alone or when I'm in a place where tears are acceptable, they come. (Actually, they can come even when tears are not acceptable! Walking by the Target baby aisle can be downright cruel at times!)

Whenever we are in the midst of healing from a loss, we hear people remind us to be thankful. I appreciate that, but I'm learning something important for my own healing: Lament and thankfulness don't have to be mutually exclusive. We can be thankful for the blessings we have while still pouring out our tears to our God. We can recognize the wholeness around us while mourning the brokenness inside us.

Certainly having a heart full of gratitude reminds me of God's goodness and presence. But then again, lament and doubt do not necessarily go hand-in-hand. Psalms is full of lament, written by faithful believing followers of Yahweh. When we cry out to God, when we lay before Him our brokenness and fallenness, we are doing exactly what He wants us to do: We are recognizing our desperate need for Him. And in that place of vulnerability, our hearts will worship. Our hearts will cry out in thanks for His precious presence!

I know what the fear is, though. We fear we will never move on. We fear that if we don't start pulling it together, we'll remain a heaping mess of heartache. And who wants that, right?

But this is a fear that we may overcome with God's promises. We lament and cry out because we have a God who hears and who understands! God heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds (Ps 147:3), is close to them and saves them (Ps 34:18), bears their burdens (68:19, Mt 11:30), comforts them (Is 66:13), and one day will wipe every tear from their eye (Rev 21:4). Christ is the Word in flesh, Immanuel, God with us, and he says, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted" (Mt 5:4).

I praise God for His healing, for the mending that has already taken place. And I praise God for the tears through which I see my desperate need for Him. 

14 comments:

  1. Perfect Candace. Perfect explanation of Christian grief. It seems popular in our culture to push aside lament for thankfulness - and I think that that can be very damaging to the person lamenting. Way to write this and show your readers that lament and thankfulness co-exists.

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    1. Yeah, you're right, Kelly. I think it can be damaging to the person lamenting, as well. I recently read something about how Job was in the right place in his grief until his friends started talking, ha!

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  2. I think I totally know what you mean. I feel God's big loving arms most when I accept how weak and broken I am. And it makes me want to cuddle into his love and be so thankful for it even more. Keep cuddling into His love and I pray that it continues to heal you.

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  3. Amen!!! He crys tears with us!!

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    1. Thanks :) And Steph, you're right - we want to be near to God when we are broken!

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  4. This was awesome. Also made me think of lamentations 3...his mercies are new every morning so I will hope in him, in spite of my circumstances. Still thinking of and praying for you!

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  5. This is so beautifully written and captures how my heart feels on a weekly basis! "We can recognize the wholeness around us while mourning the brokenness inside us" that spoke to me so much! I feel like to the outside world, people expect me to "get over it" because our life truly is blessed and wonderful. But that doesn't mean I don't have the right to grieve and feel loss. It's an interesting line to walk when your life is blessed and whole, but you wrestle with the pain of loss and struggle at the same time. Thanks for putting things into perspective for me! :)

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    1. Yes, Becky, I hear ya! That line to walk is interesting and challenging, indeed.

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  6. So good and so true. Hebrews 11:39-40

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  7. Speaking of which, I'm on the verge of tears now. Thank you for this post. You said it perfectly. I know that loved ones mean the very best when they remind us to be thankful, but in those moments of loss, sometimes grief and crying out to God is all we can offer.

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    1. Thank you for your response, and for your true words, that sometimes all we have to offer is grief and tears!

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  8. "Every lament is a love song."

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