Remember when I said at our last appointment that "all was quiet" -- and that was a good thing? Well, yesterday's appointment should have revealed a party going on in my ovaries. We should have seen tons of follicles getting ready to burst open with their eggs, an indication that I responded well to the medications and a go for the next step. Sadly, there was next to nothing.
I knew immediately when our doctor began the ultrasound. Robby and I have seen many of these, and we're getting pretty good at identifying the dark masses that indicate follicles. We were prepared to see a number of those follicles, but the screen remained blank. Our doctor finally broke the silence to ask me how old I was--never a good sign.
Finally we saw one mass, one decent-sized follicle, and three tiny masses, two of which will amount to nothing and one that may grow enough in time for ovulation. Something, yes, but not what we need to continue with IVF. It didn't take long for our doctor to tell us we would have to cancel this cycle's IVF.
Once again we were in a room feeling like all of our hopes were crumbling. There was more explanation and clarification, some of it new information, most of it old. They explained that my AMH level, the one that was a key indicator in diagnosing me with Diminished Ovarian Reserve, wasn't just low--it was undetectable. And my estradiol, which had been checked that morning through blood work, was low, as well (200), especially for having one follicle and three mini-follicles. I guess we knew that DOR would be an issue, but we didn't know it'd be this much of an issue.
"Poor responders" -- that's what they call women who don't respond to the medications. Ugh. Another negative term to break my heart.
Is all hopeless, you may ask? No, it's not. We will continue with an IUI this Monday, taking advantage of the one (and possibly two) follicles and the lovely uterine lining. I did one more day of injections and tonight I inject Ovidrel, which triggers ovulation.
As far as IVF, we will try again. There is a different protocol of medications that work with some women, so the doctor wants to put me on that treatment. We're not sure when we would do this, but sometime in the next few months. And who knows. Maybe the IUI will work and we won't even have to have an IVF. Wouldn't that be something?
We're trying to stay positive. We kept ourselves busy yesterday, me helping Camille with wedding plans (so fun) and Robby hanging out and chatting with my dad. But then night came, which is always the most difficult, and all our attempts to keep it together fell to pieces. It wasn't so bad, though. We needed to let go for a moment. Quite simply, we needed to cry.
This morning, we're up and the sun is shining. Thank God for our sunny weather! It really does help lift the spirits! Robby is talking about planting some flowers, and I will be planning some flowers -- wedding flowers for Camille, that is. (She can't make it to her appointment, so I'm filling in. How lucky am I?!)
We know you are heart-broken with us. We know we were all full of excitement over this new step. Thank you for your prayers and deep concern and true tears. You help us get through this, and we're so grateful.