Wednesday, February 1, 2012


This little blog in blogland is coming up to its two-year anniversary, which means it's been two years since our first IUI.  I  To "celebrate," I went back and read some of my old posts.  I have to say it was a big cathartic, and I had a good cry on the couch this evening.  To be honest, I've been having a rough time since the new year.  My birthday is in January, so I had both New Year's Day and my birthday to remind me that another year has come and gone, and the deepest desire I've ever had hasn't been met.  The pain has been sharpened as dear women from my small group have recently announced their pregnancies, as well.

Going through my old posts did show me how much I've grown and changed, though.  At that time, I could barely even think about adoption.  Although Robby and I still aren't ready to adopt, we did attend an information meeting a couple of weeks ago about adoption.  This was a good step for us.  I'll share more about it later, but for now I can say I'm grateful God gave us that opportunity to attend.  I know He wanted us there.

I also see that I'm better understanding the value God still has on my life and on Robby's and my life together.  I think we're so accustomed to giving value to our lives only if it includes a family, and surely a family is a valuable thing.  But I'm recognizing that God has a purpose for me, and I have value in His eyes even if I don't ever become a mother.

Finally, I recognize that I am more open about our struggle.  I think, at the beginning, it was almost embarrassing for me to share with others that we were unable to have children.  I didn't want to deal with people's reactions, and I certainly didn't want people talking about me.  I know now, though, that this is a load to be shared, a burden to be born by those who love us.  It has been freeing to share more about our journey, and I find joy in seeing how God uses us to do just that.

There.  This all helped very much.  Thank you :)

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