I know it has been a month since I've lasted posted. That month has been filled with the expected emotions that I usually experience. At the beginning of every cycle, I come out of a sharp depression from receiving that negative pregnancy test. However, that usually begins to climb quickly, and I feel normal, even hopeful the days following as a new cycle begins. The hope continues through the point of ovulation and peaks right around the days immediately following. Then, the cramps inevitably begin, and the movement downhill starts. It is always the worst when I'm in the middle of those painful cramps, those sharp, excrutiating reminders that my body is doing the same thing it has done every month for fifteen years. Surprisingly, when I actually get the negative result, I begin to move out of the depression, knowing that a new cycle is beginning, and with a new cycle, a new opportunity.
So, that's where I am, physically and emotionally. I'm in my rut, but I realized this week that God never is. He has something new to teach me every month, or at least he has the same truth to impress upon me in a new way. One thing he has shown me is my potential to believe a terrible lie during those lowest points in my month. This is the lie: "I am all alone in this." No good can ever come out this statement. It is untrue and unbiblical, for two reasons:
First, we are never ever alone because we have, above all, Christ. Christ is with us in our joy and our pain. Christ has experienced every human emotion.
Secondly, everyone has experienced some form of pain, sorrow, or disappointment. It might not look exactly like mine, but it is the same human emotion. A person may not have gone through a struggle with becoming pregnant, but she may have gone through the pain of a miscarriage, or the disappointment of loss. Believing this lie will only lead to a sick type of arrogance (I'm the only one who experiences this) or anger and resentment (no one cares about or understands me).
God is so good. He will not let me accept and wallow in this lie. And what's even better, he promises to exchange our ashes for beauty, our sorrow for joy. Not only does he pull me out of the pit, but he puts me on solid ground and gives me grace to stand.