This past month, Robby and I had a second IUI done. The last one was in February; after that, we took "off" March and April to give ourselves a break. We weren't sure if we were going to do the IUI before summer, but it ended up working out time-wise.
If I ever would have bet on things working out, it would have been this past IUI. Everything looked good and the timing (unlike last time) seemed perfect. We left the doctor's office excited and optimistic, as sure as we ever have been that this was it. The first week following the procedure, I was extremely hopeful. In the past, I have felt cramping very early in my cycle, and this time, I had none of that. The cysts that were a problem last time seemed nonexistent this time. I couldn't wait for those two weeks to go by so I could take a pregnancy test.
The second week after the procedure, things started to change. I began to feel my normal pms cramps, and I got my usual pms migraine....lovely, right? And very quickly, my hope started to fade. Then the weekend came, and all of a sudden the cramps went away. I know implantation cramping happens to some women, so I started to think that that was what I had felt. Hope spiked again for me.
Wednesday night, cramps came again, and Thursday morning, I took a pregnancy test, which was negative. Because of the progesterone I have to take each cycle, my period won't come until I stop taking the supplements. I stopped taking them Wednesday and had to wait until Saturday morning for my period to come. This was extremely difficult because although I had taken three pregnancy tests by Saturday morning, all negative of course, there still was a tiny bit of hope inside of me. It was squashed Saturday morning, not entirely, but for this cycle.
So, here I am, back at the beginning of my cycle. I am hopeful and optimistic again, like I am every month, like I pray I will continue to be every month. And although I told God very clearly that last month would have been just perfect for me to get pregnant (the school year is nearly over, I was giving a baby shower on Saturday, a February birth would be so great, our good friends just got pregnant...all valid and logical reasons), He once again has not heeded my advice and has chosen to do His own will. And I praise Him for that. I praise Him for being so good that He does not do things based on our desires or our actions, whether they are good or bad. What a small, wimpy God He would be if that were the case!
We are, once again, taking a break. Our summers are even crazier than the school year, and since we will be gone four weeks over the next two months, we think it is best to wait and start fertility treatments again in August or September. I am looking forward to a summer vacation and time to process all that has happened this past year. Thank you, as always, for your support and prayers. Thank you for holding to hope with me, even when mine starts to fade.
